Over Thanksgiving I went to North Carolina, and, when I had the chance, took a swim at the YMCA in Raliegh. That sucker is huge. Not Raleigh, the YMCA. And why shouldn’t it be? The place is surrounded by football and baseball fields and a million acres of woods. Sometimes, while working out at the YMCA in Alexandria I relate to W. C. Fields, who said: “The room was so packed you couldn’t laugh ‘Ha, ha, ha.’ You had to laugh ‘Ho, ho, ho.”
The YMCA in downtown San Antonio sucks. I tried it out last week. The building is a former Albertson’s grocery store – so, when you close your eyes you can imagine the place as it used to be, with unhelpful teenage employees in blue vests clumsily bagging your groceries. After the store closed a few years ago, the beige eyesore became a church. We called it the “Metho-dome”.
“This is fantastic!” I should say, adding that “I’m getting paid for getting in shape.” Usually I would agree with myself, but not today. It’s cold and rainy. I don’t imagine myself stopping a bank robber and blaming it on the Hip Adductor. I’d probably blame it on my foot, which will trip the robber and send him down thirteen flights of steps. “Hero Reporter Foils Robbery!” the headline will read. Below, the sub-headline will say: “Family Of Suspect Dispute Robbery Allegation. No Money Stolen, No Charges Filed.”